“I was potty-trained twenty-three years ago,
I think this calls for a drink!”
“And I have a new haircut!”
“Well I got a raise!”
“Hey, I didn’t commit suicide last night!”
If you really tried you could find enough excuses
to party every day of your life.
And hell, why not?
You don’t wanna be like
those martyrs who think
they have to earn everything
but never really do
because they’re never impressed
They check ‘give birth’ or
‘win the presidency’
off their to-do lists
and have half a martini
after sunrise yoga
the next day.
Nobody’s much impressed by them
because nobody likes to feel impressed
by those sorts of rigid people.
But you and me,
we could clap our backs
over checking the mailbox this week!
It’s got to be a record
how many fish sticks we ate-
confetti and drinks all around!
And we’ll invite the neighbors
who each will have done at least
four commendable things today
and no one will put our doings
on a scale and say
whose weigh more
Because if saving the world
will mean nothing anyway
and merely settling into it
is cause for small celebrations
wouldn’t you rather be nice and drunk
when it ends?