Home » Flash Fiction » 52 Flashes of Fiction Week 1: The Trouble With It

52 Flashes of Fiction Week 1: The Trouble With It

The trouble with it seems to me that men always either don’t want to talk to me or they really want to talk to me. But what I really think is that it comes down to me. I’m always the one they do or do not want to talk to, and that’s always the trouble.

I’m somewhat of an introvert, which is true on days when I’m feeling particularly friendly and outgoing. I’m almost never feeling particularly friendly or outgoing, so it’s almost always true that I’m mostly an extreme introvert. The word introvert means almost the same thing as conceited except I really do sometimes feel awful about it. I mostly feel awful about not feeling awful.

Anyways, where men are concerned and where I am concerned is that we can never agree whether I am conceited or not. Men will concede that I am introverted but they will never get on my side about my being conceited. They never think I am conceited because I have a sort-of attractive face and some body parts they wouldn’t mind grabbing, and they think if I was conceited I wouldn’t bother to engage them in conversation about books or praying mantises or that juice that gathers at the top of the ketchup bottle. Also I think they don’t want to ruin their chances of ever getting to grab said body parts by calling me conceited and hurting my feelings. This doesn’t make any sense to me because all of my closest friends that are men and who do not want to grab my parts know full well that I am conceited, and every man I have ever let grab my parts also accepted that fact.

I can tell that I am conceited because it bothers me both when men do not want to talk to me and when they do want to talk to me. It bothers me even more when they do want to talk to me. This is because I have a lot of thoughts. My thoughts are like precious dolls or trinkets that you play with when you’re alone but must be hidden away when other children come over to play. When men do want to talk to me I think they know I have a lot of fun toys as well as grabbing-parts and I think that they must not have a lot of toys of their own and they want to come and roughhouse and break all of mine. If I wasn’t so conceited I think it would probably be easier for me to just share.

When men do not want to talk to me, I think it’s because they assume I have nothing they want to play with, or that their own toys are better. How can they know what kind of toys I have? This hurts my feelings of course because I think I would probably very much want to get along smashingly with someone who was just as conceited as me. But it doesn’t bother me so much because I just end up feeling sad for them because I know what it’s like to be just like me.

The reason I say that the trouble is me is because whether they talk to me or not, I cannot decide whether I really want them to or I really do not want them to. I think I want both and I think that is conceited, although I don’t think anyone else really thinks that. I think in the world of non-conceited people, the world I don’t know anything about, I would probably just be considered conceited because I don’t let anyone grab my parts. But that’s just a matter of flesh and stones; it’s the thoughts that really can break.

If you don’t like this piece, you DEFINITELY won’t like my new book, Candy Pizza: Poetry that’s Fun and Healthy, available on Amazon in print and e-book formats 😉

candy pizza


16 thoughts on “52 Flashes of Fiction Week 1: The Trouble With It

  1. This shouldn’t really be called Flash Fiction as much as it should be called The Entirely True Story of a Girl Who Was Still Grappling With the Fact that She Would Never Love Anything or Anyone As Much As She Loves to Write.

    • Really it’s my argument with myself to try to decide between pursuing a probable romance (scary) and dedicating another year to what I already love best of all (not scary.) I think this solves that dilemma.

  2. Boy, do I ever get this.

    P.S. Couldn’t resist buying ‘Candy Pizza’ for my Kindle. Loved every minute of it! My review is already on Goodreads and Amazon, but I’ll be posting it to my blog tomorrow.

  3. But maybe what you need is someone to fondle with ideas and make them part of an even bigger one. That might be something novel, or I could know nothing of what I speak of. I just like the word fondle. :>)

  4. My initial thought was, oh this is autobiography veiled in flash fiction, then in remembering your poetry and how much of it reads like song lyrics I was impressed at your detachment, the “woman” in the fiction choosing to be deep, choosing to be a walking contradiction. You have created the stirrings of conflict, like Emma in Jane Austen, what happens when a woman thinks she’s made her mind up and life happens instead. Keep clawing and searching, Char. Never be satisfied.

  5. That was an exceedingly fun piece. To be fair, I wasn’t sure it was flash fiction until I read the title again… I think we’ve had this discussion before. Also, for the record, I’ve always said you were conceited. (Takes one to know one, after all, which is the same reason I think you’re a genius, too.) Just, I don’t think you’re as conceited as you seem to think you are, which is its own form of conceit.

    Can’t wait to see more.

  6. I love the idea of thoughts being dolls and toys and them being something you want to keep to yourself sometimes and not share. This is a wonderful idea for a project that I think I am going to try.

  7. The strength of the metaphor is interesting – I have just discovered your writing and find not only the thought provoking content of interest, it has become challenging.

    A very concise response to your point about men – I have been male from the point of conception, I can’t get into the minds of others and I can’t find the emotional connections many desire in a relationship. What the silent majority of men offer is strength, a measure of irascibility, integrity and kindness.

    So why not try both writing and romance life can cope with both.

    I love your writing style – great to have found your site.

  8. Writing challenge: Write a monologue or dialogue only about the juice that gathers at the top of ketchup bottles.

    That was a very funny/random detail.

  9. Was considering buying your book on kindle; some of your poems intrigued me. This sealed it, thanks. I love the contradictions that exist in us all, and make us hard to pigeon-hole, even though we ALWAYS want to pigeon-hole ourselves and others in order to find like minds and soul mates – my wife is my soul-mate yet I have NO idea how or why! She is my polar opposite in terms of education, taste in poetry and fiction, and most forms of humour. She’s an extrovert and speaks her mind – now there’s something we have in common – I speak my mind but after I’ve considered what to say, usually by blogging – she doesn’t wait too much before she speaks! LOL.

    Many would find your post here just rambling, but I see the intricate lacing of thoughts that are, YES!, like toys we play with in private. Many thoughts I share with others, many times I challenge what they say theologically or politically, many times I get blank stares which make me think I have cast pearls. Am I conceited too?

    It’s available on amazon.co.uk too so I’ll go get it, and see if I could maybe do the same thing as your year-long project (or similar), writing from my position of having grown up already, but still growing and learning, even in my faith, which is changing fast. I wrote poems in the past, sometimes a lot, some within a group that self-published. I must get inspired to write more! Thank you.

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