Home » Poetry » Year 2: Day 70 – Santa, Bring Me A Husband

Year 2: Day 70 – Santa, Bring Me A Husband

Santa, bring me a husband,
that’s all I want,
like the commercials on TV.

He must love cats
and he must hate dogs,
must hate anything blueberry-flavored.

He must be willing to salsa
but not to wear flowered shirts
because that’s just not attractive.

He must be able to fit
at least eleven jumbo marshmallows
in his chubby-bunny mouth.

He must speak a second language
but not speak it to me
or expect me to be impressed.

He must insist on paying for dinner
except when I want to pay,
but insist even still after that.

He must have strong opinions
and love to argue
but never disagree with me.

He must have style but NOT
from a catalog-
y’know, kindof that rustic,
but-totally-nailed it look.

He must love cats-
did I say that already?

He must be great at relationships
but not have many exes
or any kids
or really any pets
(unless they’re cats.)

He must watch soap operas with me
but not because he WANTS to,
must help with all the housework
but not because he HAS to.

He must not be allergic to cats.

He must not watch porn,
must not smoke or drink
or vote Green Party
or suck at chess
or like Thai food
or own a yoga mat
or drive a crappy car
or wear flip-flops.

Santa, I know I ask you this every year
but I really do deserve it this time.


19 thoughts on “Year 2: Day 70 – Santa, Bring Me A Husband

  1. The old adage… “Careful what you wish for.” comes to mind, because regardless if he meets every one of those, he is still a man and bound to be wrong about something. As least, that’s what my wife keeps telling me.

  2. Okay… so the previous response beat me to it… lol I wish you all the best and shall send Santa a note asking for YOU to receive all that you wish!

  3. As I kept on reading it I thought it was beginning to sound snarky at those girls who have the long list of stuff. Standards are ok but some do go on and on and on, don’t they? Great post.

  4. Pingback: Sharing work | The Write Edge Writing Workshop

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