The way it went down was like this:
See how simply lovely that looks when you really think about it? The story’s gonna go down however I say it did, because I’m the one writing it. You can, of course, go ahead and write your version of it, but at that point it will always be in contention with mine because I wrote it first.
The way it went down was like this: you were a dirty scoundrel and I was naive and none of it was my fault.
The way it went down was like this: you were a complete ignoramus and I pulled the strings and beat you at your own game before you got a chance to play it.
The fact that you get no chance to defend yourself is one of the few perks of this rotten occupation I have chosen.
And the story continues as follows:
You wrote something about me and it was terrible. I don’t mean that it was insulting to me personally but that it was generally a poorly-written offense to the English language. It was so bad actually, that I had no choice but to edit all the errors out and polish the remaining drivel so that at least I could be slandered in a respectably coherent manner.
You, of course, would disagree with this restatement of what transpired between us, and would probably try to say that you never wrote anything about me at all, whether poorly-written or not.
You, of course, will be wrong since I am the one writing the story down, after all, and the truth of reality is of little consequence to the first person who gets it on paper. Perhaps you shouldn’t have written such foul things if you didn’t want them to get out.
Well I handed you back that awful thing you wrote me, with my various improvements, and you were greatly moved at my inspired reworking of your sad attempt. You then fell to your knees in apology, begging my forgiveness which I graciously granted. We have been on good terms ever since, but I rarely have time for you anymore, unfortunately.
That was the way it went down and I will be eagerly awaiting your rebuttal which my readers now expect should be forthcoming. But they will know that anything you say will be a lie because I warned them.
I wrote it first and I win.