We’ve received a report today from a distraught young man who tells us that his marriage proposal to his girlfriend has been rejected. The pair had been together for over two years and Tyler Sturgess, 27, says that her dismissal was completely out of the blue.
“Everything was going great- no red flags,” he told us. “I mean, things were rocky when I lost my job about a year ago, but I’ve been doing freelance DJ gigs and working on my Linkedin portfolio a lot. She was totally supportive! It’s not like I forced her to get two jobs, and I said I’d help with the laundry and stuff whenever hockey wasn’t on, but she kept saying not to bother.”
Tyler insists that his proposal was everything any woman ever dreamed of: a moment of romance, passion, and tears, ending with a huge rock placed on her finger.
“I had just bowled a 250, my best game ever, when I looked over at my lady doing taxes or something. She’s so pretty when she’s stressed out. And I was just full of love and I said, ‘Babe, let’s do it’ and I gave her the purple ring pop I won out of the claw machine.”
But apparently such a touching gesture wasn’t enough for Miss Hoity-Toity, who declined to comment on the matter. We didn’t really want to talk to her anyway, because Tyler says she was probably cheating on him.
“She was at work like 60 hours a week, who knows what she could’ve been doing. All I know is, any woman that could just reject a marriage proposal for no good reason and break my heart like that must’ve been up to no good.”
What a freaking biotch.