Home » Other Writing » Breaking: The Word ‘Epic’ Officially Banned From English Language

Breaking: The Word ‘Epic’ Officially Banned From English Language

CharNN has just received report from Merriam-Webster that it has officially banned the word ‘epic’ from the English language due to overuse. The word, predominantly used by frat boys, gamers, and internet trolls, has been previously used to denote something heroic or of unusually great size or extent, such as the Trojan War or woolly mammoths.

But it seems that this generation of texting, Jersey Shore-watching, non-literary idiots have abused the word’s meaning into obscurity. Things now being described as epic include skateboard tricks, rap battles, sandwiches with four different meats, viral kitten videos, and 90’s sitcom reunions. This has caused a “watering-down” effect, so much so that the word now generally means little more than “kinda cool.”

While we can certainly appreciate the removal of this odiously fatigued word, we think the real story here is the realization of just how much power Merriam-Webster has over our speech. With the passing of the word-ban today, strict repercussions were set into place for anyone caught using it: first-time offenders will have a dictionary dropped on their foot, and repeat-offenders will be sentenced to hours of solitary confinement while listening to Weird Al’s “Word Crimes” parody on repeat.

We appealed to Merriam-Webster for comment on this decision, and asked what caused the ban. Their response?

“We’re sick and tired of hearing it. Deal with it.”

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