On a slow news day, sometimes it’s nice to cover common occurrences that often go unnoticed. We’ve received yet another report highlighting the wonder of everything that’s right in the world: a man has pursued an impossible dream and, while not achieving that dream, has been presented with the ‘A for Effort’ award because life is nothing if not fair and just.
The prestigious award is commonly given to those who display average feats of bravery and commitment to astonishing goals which are often so difficult that we’re not sure why anyone would’ve ever tried to reach them anyway. Literally billions have taken comfort in the fact that reaching such lofty goals is unnecessary because a patronizing pat on the back is never far away.
The ‘A for Effort’ award includes the prize of a comfortable living, the affirmation and affection of one’s family, friends, and peers, as well as the personal satisfaction of not having tried very hard before reaping all of life’s undeserved rewards. The award has actually become so typical that mankind’s progress has come to a grinding halt due to lack of motivation, but who needs progress when the forerunners of change can instead accrue awards right from their living rooms!
In fact, this CharNN reporter just won the ‘A for Effort’ award for the eighth time in a row for typing actual words on the screen instead of just posting cat pictures! Hooray for real news and a world where life is totally fair!