I am training for something bigger.
Some string has dropped down just in front of me and I’m pulling away at it like mad.
I’m shaving ice, I’m trimming fat, I’m packing bags.
I’m picking scabs and I can feel my mind talking to itself, teaching itself, as my gunny nerves get ready.
Time is standing still these days, in this era of preparation.
My organs are working on a secret.
I have grown quiet and withdrawn, not as punishment but as a gift, being the way I must.
I speak to almost no one.
Everything I choose is wholly right and I have no interest in other people’s doings anymore-
all is bound to my experiments, my constant remolding and pushing.
You don’t make friends- you find them. I’ve only ever had a few in my life, but when I found them I knew immediately. There’s a sort of intimacy, a comfort which is felt like a blanket around two strangers who automatically fall in step- they can speak without fear and find joy in discovering all the ways that humans can understand one another. It ends up feeling as if you’ve already known the person for a very long time.
It’s a rare and wonderful thing to find a friend- someone whose intellect, maturity, and decency you can trust. Someone who gets you in all the best ways. Once you find them, there’s no going back: their company becomes indispensable to your own happiness as the more experiences you share, the more you are bonded together. And gradually, their happiness becomes indispensable to yours, like an extension of your own well-being. Protecting their heart becomes your responsibility, because it’s part of your heart now, too.
But like all good things humans are ever blessed enough to blindly stumble upon, we don’t know how to keep a friendship once we’ve got it. We grow complacent and expect that it always will thrive, maybe because we didn’t do anything to earn it in the first place. We underestimate how much we’d suffer if we lost it, because we just don’t think it could happen. But perhaps worst of all, we get selfish.
Humans have an odd tendency towards ownership- we see something we like and, instead of appreciating it for its beauty, we like to slap stickers on things and say “Mine.” This tendency is extended to our friends: we want to be best friends, we want to know that you like us the most, we want your word that you’ll always be there, we want labels, we want assurance. The funny thing is, the best part about friendship is the sublime level of trust that can be achieved, but there’s no chance for that when you’re holding on too tight. I have been guilty of this far too many times not to know the devastating consequences of squeezing the life out of someone you care about.
Miraculously, true friendships seem to have a tremendous bounce-back rate.
Do you like wrestling? It doesn’t matter. You like silly party games! You like listening to people talk about butts! You like that a person who was once a serious poet is now co-hosting a ridiculous podcast about wrestling with her boyfriend and BFF! You like that this world is a crazy place and you appreciate a good WTF moment. Well here it is.
A few years ago I would’ve said wrestling was a dumb fake sport that only preteen boys cared about. But a friend dragged me to a live show and I was immediately hooked. I’ve probably been to at least 50 live shows including NXT, Raw, NJPW, PWG, PCW, and Wrestlemania. I know way more about wrestling than probably any teacher should know and my students LOVE IT.
I’m also like, working on a book of children’s poetry but that’s a ways off. So in the meantime you can hear me and my buds play dumb games like:
- What food does this wrestler’s hair look like?
- Which two random wrestlers should totally date?
- Which wrestlers would you take on a road trip?
- Which dog breed would this wrestler be?
Subscribe on iTunes, follow us on Twitter, submit your own silly games or tell us your answers!
I don’t write poetry anymore. You’ve probably figured. Priorities just change, y’know?
Here’s some stuff I did this year:
- Read 19 novels
- Saw a bunch of PETA protesters get thrown out of Sea World San Diego
- Wrote a short script about Jehovah’s Witnesses and my bf directed/filmed it (I got to be an extra)
- Learned how to make really good chili
- Went to Wrestlemania
- Lost 17 pounds
- Started my Master’s Degree (Reading Specialist)
- Got a jaywalking ticket
- Saw Tim & Eric live (!)
- Accidentally poisoned myself with caffeine
- Attended a 4th of July wedding
- Hit the jackpot on that spinny-light thing at Dave & Buster’s
- Dyed my hair funky colors (blue, purple, pink, grey)
- Took my parents on a Caribbean cruise
- Built a dresser
- Helped my SIM become a famous author
- Saw Gaston at DisneyLand
- Found out I have extra low blood pressure
- Had a birthday pool party
- Started a wrestling podcast. You can listen if you want: Trios Champions
- Some other stuff, probably.
Life’s pretty good right now. It’s about to be Fall in the valley and I can’t complain. What have you guys been up to?
There is nothing to tap into
when peace reigns,
nothing to say.
The dire needs of anger,
of longing, of grief
are not those of
and if anyone is content,
he’s not meant
to mention it.
I am not private,
I am not closed off.
I am ashamed of nothing
and I hold nothing back
if you ask.
But I will not volunteer it.
Everybody volunteers everything.
I don’t like the risk
of where things shouted into space
might end up,
which is most likely nowhere
And I don’t want you to think
there’s nothing left
If you think you can,
go find it in Sunnyside.
If you think your apples
won’t look like potatoes anymore,
think the scenery
will keep you evergreen,
if you think that’s any kind of home
where you’ll be safe,
you probably will.
If you can find it in Sunnyside,
And when you find it,
drop me a letter,
tell me all about those skies-
I’ll forward all my mail to Sunnyside,
where I won’t ever find it.