Day 45 – Welcome to the Junkyard

It only would’ve lasted
until I knew for sure-
fascination ended by
an answer, at last-
a thirst for the truth
to settle things
in their right place:

“What happened?”

The gears would turn,
try to paint it in different lights-
the liar, the troubled, the confused-
which mask would it come down to?
But I didn’t expect

the least interesting mask of all.
The least helpful, least true
this mask of spared feelings-
to dishonor with lies
for fear of the hurt.

“Was any of it real?
Was it always in my head?”

A half-truth implied for protection.
A flimsy excuse to keep using.

I placed no blame on the blameless heart,
but the mouth who said nothing
and kept eating, who kept
accepting gifts, so easily
erased…

You were just an open box
I couldn’t pack away
because I didn’t know what
to put in it.

No friend should ever lie
so effortlessly;
no one who needs
should use so much.
This, now
I know.

I put a flask
and a pack of cigarettes
and a mask-

Be well
and

welcome to the junkyard.

 

 

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Year 2: Day 13 – Welcome Back

“Welcome back,
you were hardly happy out there”
is the gurgling sound made by my
sneering, protected heart.

What does it know of gratitude?
What does it know of me?

Oh, but it knows a thing it wants
and needs no further permission
than to pang me near to death.

I only bow because it tripped me,
only kneel because I fell
and it just laughs to see me
giving up the fight-

what does it know of gratitude
for a quiet life of me,
what does it know of opting out,
of settling in?

“Welcome back,” it sings to me
as if I’d hardly ever left,
“come inside, sit by the fire,
and let it be.”

 

Don’t forget to check out my first anthology, Candy Pizza: Poetry that’s Fun and Healthy, available on Amazon & Kindle.